Tongue Lashing: A Common Disease In The Neighbourhood.

Have you ever had a chat with a friend or some friends, with the conversation  centred on another fellow (probably a friend too) in a condemning way?


That is tongue lashing!

Any discussion that is consciously or unconsciously aimed at dressing down another person or people at their back is tongue lashing The more common term for it is backbiting or slander.

I call it an epidemic disease!

This disease has become a normal thing in our everyday conversation to the extent that, most of the time, we indulge in it unknowingly.

If you have never been found guilty of this act before, then you must have just landed from another planet!

As common as it is, tongue lashing is an evil!

The holy Book condemns it.

Have we forgotten that nobody is perfect?
We all have our own different areas of weaknesses which we are trusting God's help to keep in check but it amazes me the way some people talk about other people's weaknesses and shortcomings with every sense of self-perfectionism.

This is the same kind of mentality we put up when we hear of other people's shortcomings or when we try to correct somebody.

We do it with the attitude of   "I have never and can never commit such a mistake or even similar one."

This is unfair!

Many of such people, if they are really sincere to themselves and dig deep into their history, they will discover that they have committed even worst mistakes in the past.

WHAT DRIVES PEOPLE TO TALK NEGATIVELY ABOUT OTHERS BEHIND THEIR BACK?

Lets look at some of the possible driving forces.......

• Revenge: In trying to get even with an offender, many people may result to tongue lashing.

This happens especially when the slanderer cannot confront the offender face to face to get his or her pound of flesh.
The person will then try to destroy his seemingly foe from the back.

• Recognition: The desire to appear better than someone else before other people can drive some people into tongue lashing especially when the person being talked about hitherto appears better.

This is usually a case of insecurity or inferiority complex on the part of the slanderer.

• Jealousy/Envy: This seems to be the more popular reason for tongue lashing and a female friend of mine said it is more common among the ladies.

We are all blessed and talented in our own different ways but sometimes, we may be tempted to feel that someone else is better talented or gifted or has things that we wished we have.

This faulty thinking can lead to self-pity, jealousy and envy  which can ultimately result to tongue lashing the supposed better person at any slightest opportunity.

The purpose of this, I think, is to probably make the other fellow to appear less gifted, popular, respected or appreciated by others.

• Humour: Sometimes people just tongue lash others for the fun of it.

In the process of catching fun, they negatively dissect others without mercy.

• Boredom: Unsolicited idleness coupled with frustration in life can inspire some people to talk badly about other people without caution.

People who are angry with life usually see almost every thing in life (including other human beings)from the negative perspective.

CONSEQUENCES OF TONGUE LASHING.......

Among the many consequences of tongue lashing, I believe, loss of relationship and trust stands at the top.

Imagine thoroughly tongue lashing a friend or relative and somehow the person got to hear about it later.( yes! its possible. how trustworthy are your hearers?)

Worst enough, imagine the person discovered that you were not just a contributor but the facilitator!

What do you think will happen to your relationship with such a person henceforth?

Some persons will confront you with it.........and you may have the opportunity to apologise, if you are humble enough.

But many others will not confront you and you wont know that they have found you out!

Based on their discovery,some of them may decide to abruptly change the way they relate with you and you may be wondering....

 "What is wrong?"

 

Some others may still decide to be relating with you as if nothing happened, but deep down in their heart  you have crossed from a pal to an unfriendly friend.

Even if they never get to find you out, (especially if they don't know you in person) destroying people's reputation is an act of irresponsibility.

Unnecessarily pronouncing other people's weaknesses and shortcomings  with the aim of giving them a bad name is one of the hobbies of the ordinary minds.

Purposeful minded individuals do not have time for such frivolities!

 AND WHAT IF.....

 

And what if someone that we are sincerely concerned about is consistently and constantly caught up in the web of his or her weaknesses?

What do we do?

My usual take on this is to go talk to the person about it, face to face in the spirit of love. And if you lack the boldness or opportunity to do so, then start and keep praying for the person.

 

Never initiate or encourage tongue lashing.



HOW CAN WE OVERCOME TONGUE LASHING

Tongue lashing is an evil that should not be traced to any responsible person, not as a contributor talk more as the main source.

 But unfortunately, the disease has become so familiar that it has become spontaneous in our everyday conversations.

We involuntary indulge in it all the time and before we realise it, we have destroy someone or people with our mouth.
Nevertheless, we should not give up in our quest to call it history in our life

The following tips might help........

Listen more and talk less: It has been found out that people that talk too much are more vulnerable to this disease.

Even the Bible confirms it:

When words are many, sin is not absent.

but he who holds his tongue is wise. (proverb 10:19)

 

 If you talk less in the course of conversations, you will be more conscious of what you say and will have less chances of slandering other people.

Think before you speak: Funny as it may sound but its true. Some people do not think before uttering words from their mouth. they just say it immediately and exactly the way it entered their head.
 Sometimes, such people usually regret what they have said but words when spoken can never be retrieved.

The next time you want to contribute to a discussion, weigh what you want to say thoroughly before opening your mouth. it should not defames somebody's reputation unnecessarily.

Turn the conversation around: In a tongue lashing discussion, you can either try to make the others to look at the positive side of the person being slandered or you can change the line of discussion into something totally different.

Back away:  You can excuse yourself from a discussion that is centred on other people's weaknesses especially in a condemning way.
You have the right to do so!

Cultivate the spirit of appreciation: if you make it a habit of always appreciating people; their gifts and strengths, you will gradually become uncomfortable in discussing people's weaknesses.

And so......

Pals, when we tongue lash people, we are destroying their reputation.
Lets imagine our self in their shoe.

Resist the temptation!

As responsible, purpose driven people, lets kick against this disease by discouraging it in everyway and time it pokes up its ugly head, starting from..........you and I.

Ordinary minds discuss other people. Great minds discuss ideas.
----Anonymous.